Player One: Life lessons my daughter learned while we played Dead or Alive

"Dada! Why won’t you let me win?"

My daughter, who hadn’t even turned three yet, was frustrated because I had beaten her again in Dead or Alive (DOA) 3. This was our favourite fighting game on the original Xbox. We would play single Versus mode, and set the match to best-of-three rounds.

She usually played Kasumi, the teenage ninja princess who has been the lead character of the DOA franchise since its birth in 1996.

Meanwhile, I normally played Christie, the dangerous assassin who practiced the Chinese martial art of sha quan (Snake Boxing or Fanged Snake Style). She debuted as an antagonist (in fact, she’s a secondary antagonist in the DOA franchise) in this very game, DOA3, which was first released as a launch title for Xbox in America on 15 November 2001.

My daughter – and many DOA players, for that matter – hated playing against Christie because of the unpredictability of this style. That is, if you stop just button mashing (repeatedly pressing random buttons on your controller and hoping you’ll get lucky by launching a good attack) and learn the combos. Was that one reason why I picked Christie, who still remains my go-to DOA character?

That’s why DOA is very easy for even first-time players of fighting games, because you can initially get away with button mashing.

That’s why I also wasn’t throwing the game and just letting my daughter win.

Of course, at first I was going easy on her, because I wanted the battle to last long enough for her to learn. I’m not saying I’m a great player of fighting games. I do my best to learn the combos and can go toe-to-toe with many of the gamers when we play DOA, Tekken, Soulcalibur, and other fighting games.

As the days went by, however, I saw my daughter was no longer just button mashing. She was focusing on learning Kasumi’s combos. I believe in learning by doing, and I could see that my daughter, even when she was young, had the same approach. So does her mom, for that matter.

So as my daughter became better, I would actually have to stop holding back as much. But still I wouldn’t just let her win. Not even one round. Because I wanted her to earn her first victory.

My daughter was too young to understand. She wanted to throw a tantrum, saying I just wanted to bully her.

“No,” I said. “I want you to win because you really won. If you win, you’ll know that you really beat me. Not because Dada let you win.”

She stopped frowning, looked at me, then nodded. And flashed her sweet smile.

So, guess who was overjoyed when she eventually won a round against me?

And how huge the celebration was and how triumphant she was when she finally beat me in a whole match?

Kasumi finally kicked Christie’s ass!

We bonded over DOA3 so much that my daughter and I also watched Corey Yuen’s 2006 action film adaptation, “DOA: Dead or Alive”. Yeah, it was a commercial and critical flop, but my daughter and I loved it. Plus I still think it’s one of the few fighting game movie adaptations to accurately depict the moves of the characters.

The movie focuses on three main characters: Kasumi (Devon Aoki), Christie (Holly Valance), and the American pro wrestler Tina Armstrong (Jaime Pressley). So it was doubly a thrill for us to see our favourite characters not only on the big screen, but also doing the combos we used in the game.

By the way, Brad Armstrong, who is Tina’s dad and another playable character in the video games, was portrayed by an actual retired American pro wrestler, Kevin Nash. Formerly Diesel in World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), he became more famous when he left WWE in join Ted Turner's World Championship Wrestling in 1996. As the Outsiders, he and the late Scott Hall (formerly Razor Ramon in WWE), formed the iconic wrestling heel group the nWo (New World Order) with pro wrestling legend and multiple-time WWE champion Hulk Hogan.

As a teenager, my daughter told me that after playing DOA3 with me, from then on, she understood that she should only win by earning it through merit.

Because of what she knows, not who she knows. Because of who is, not who her family and relatives are.

She also never forgot those bonding sessions. In fact, we even played Soulcalibur on the PlayStation 3. She lost interest in most video games over the years. Instead, she gravitated towards Nintendo, first the DS, then the 3DS, and now the Switch. And of course mobile games on her iPhone.

Now she describes herself as a casual gamer. But the other day, when I asked for her permission to blog about our DOA3 bonding days, not only did she agree, but also she said she never forgot those lessons.

Not just in life, but also in video games themselves. Because, yes, you can learn a lot of real-world skills and good habits by playing video games, and vice versa.

She said that over the years and until now, she can beat a lot of her friends in fighting games. Because while they just button mash, she always learns the combos.

Also, she told me that as far as she could remember, she was always Player One.

Because while I never let her win, whenever she asked if she could be Player One, I said, of course, yes. And then I told her: from now on, you’re always Player One.

Now it’s 2024. Almost exactly 20 years since we started playing DOA3, because at first the Xbox was a DVD player to her. We watched her favourite movie “Toy Story” about a google times, as I recounted in my 2004 Palanca Award-winning essay “Surviving the Zeroes”. Then, when “Finding Nemo” came out, we watched that about a google times even more.

Until that fateful day I asked if she wanted to play DOA3 with me, and she unlocked her inner gamer.

I can't believe that little girl is turning 23 soon.

On Monday, her mom and I received the most wonderful news from our daughter. She had just received her offer from Monash University Malaysia to take her Master of Professional Counselling there. You can only imagine how overjoyed we all were!

It’s the Malaysian campus of one of Australia’s most prestigious universities, which is ranked No. 42 in the world based on QS World University Rankings 2024, and No. 54 in the world according to Times Higher Education World University Rankings 2024.

It’s where our daughter is graduating this semester with a degree in Bachelor of Psychology at Monash University Malaysia’s Jeffrey Cheah School of Medicine and Health Sciences.

Congratulations to our wonderful, talented, and hardworking daughter! We know how passionate you are about psychology and determined to practice counselling. You’ve worked hard to excel in your academics and extracurricular activities. All while adjusting to a new life in Malaysia and being an awesome daughter.

Mama and I love you so much and we’ll always support you. We taught you from childhood never to be afraid to dream. That no dream is too big. That a bigger world is out there for you, and you shouldn’t be afraid to explore it.

That it’s always better to try than not to even make any attempt. That it’s always better to give everything your best shot than just give up the moment you find it tough.

So enjoy life, follow your dreams, and make them come true.

You’ll always be Player One.